With only three recent fights, Gert is mellowing

Sturdy Gert McCurdy is back in town after an extended vacation in her old stomping grounds. As awful and as usual, she is full of chatter about the goings on in her favorite part of the world. She had no sooner stepped out of the reindeer-powered snowmobile that took her to the town’s main street, when she received an impassioned call from the police chief asking her to help quell a disturbance in Ed Battersby’s  grill, and sandwich emporium caused by a customer’s reluctance to pay his bill.

As is her custom, Sturdy listened patiently to the customer’s explanation for his behavior, then she turned him upside down and shook all the money from his pockets and turned over the proper amount to the staff before sweeping out of the premises amid the admiring cries of the bar patrons.

But that’s Sturdy for you. She assesses a situation, decides who is right and who is wrong, delivers a mighty wallop to the miscreant then retires for an evening of whist playing in Rotund Rollie’s sandwich shop.

On a personal note I can confirm that Sturdy has resumed her friendship with Big Tall Walter. The happy couple is frequently seen roller skating at the family-owned business, which is called Walter’ Wheels and Whiplash Emporium. Those of us who love Sturdy are more than pleased that she has found a reliable companion with whom she can share her leisure hours. Other than that, matters are quiet in Sturdy’s world, apart from the night she was called to quell a disturbance at Ed’s bar caused when a customer foolishly expected change when he proffered a $20-dollar bill for a draught beer. Sturdy came into the premises, weighed the facts then felled the customer with a forearm blow to the head and let me tell you, that put an end to that nonsense. Then, after the excitement died down, she stayed behind and helped clean up the broken glass and busted chairs. It’s not just anybody who would take the time to do that, but that’s just the kind of girl that Sturdy is.

On a social note, I am pleased to report that Sturdy has forged a friendship with Big Mave Battersby and the two women have launched a campaign to make our little home town an even better place in which to live. The two women met several years ago when they were finalists in an open competition held to find out for the last time the identity of the toughest hombre in our little community.

Left to my own devices, I would not have used the term hombre but that word was favored by the organizer of the event. It may have been influenced by the fact that he had recently acquired a boxcar of Stetsons from the estate of a local entrepreneur who had disappeared suddenly after a dispute with Shady Arty Witherspoon over the ownership of a pool table. Unfortunately for him, the arrangement did not sit at all well for Sturdy and she marched down to his office, felled him with an overhand right to the forehead and arranged things to her satisfaction.

Apart from that Sturdy’s latest stay in her old home town has been relatively peaceful except for the night she chanced upon a set-to in Dunkin’s Park right next to the Mayflower Wax Museum. She was enjoying a night on the town with Big Mave Battersby when the two friends happened upon a dispute involving the ownership of a 1936 steam calliope. Unfortunately the opposing sides could not agree on a peaceful resolution to the dispute so the two ladies resolved matters by knocking everybody unconscious before moving on for their evening treat of a hamburg and milkshake at Big Eddy’s Bar and Grill right next to the dog pound. While there they enrolled in a mud wrestling competition and I will bring you details in a later communication.

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